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Who Cares: The Hidden Crisis of Caregiving and How We Solve it 

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By Emily Kenway – Seal Press, 2023

It is not every day that you read a book that changes your perspective on society at large and the role you play in it. Who Cares: The Hidden Crisis of Caregiving and How We Solve It is an intelligent, eye-opening publication about a world in dire need of caregivers and the inadequacies of support on an international scale. Kenway shares intimate stories of caregivers all over the world, including her own caregiving journey for her mother through a grueling battle with cancer. She thoughtfully outlines the complexities of caregiving as a chronic stressor, a deeply meaningful experience of human connection and, most importantly, a reality of life.

Kenway explores possible solutions that may alleviate the crisis of caregiving, including new technology, government policies, innovative housing solutions and community support. She leaves readers feeling empowered that the solution begins within us. This is a book for everyone—because everyone will give care and need care, if they have not yet already, at some point in their life. 

 

Roctogenarians: Late in Life Debuts, Comebacks, and Triumphs 

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By Mo Rocca and Jonathan Greenberg – Simon and Schuster, 2024

This book challenges the idea that people’s accomplishments dwindle as they age. It highlights older adults whose passion and determination pushed past setbacks, health issues, career obstacles and more to achieve great things later in life. Roctogenarians profiles people from all walks of life: an 83-year-old soldier, an activist, actress Rita Moreno, physician Peter Mark Roget (creator of Roget’s Thesaurus). This diversity of achievers ensures that every reader can find someone they can relate to in this book. Known for his wit and engaging storytelling, Mo Rocca’s approach is laced with humor, empathy and a deep appreciation for the human spirit. Prepare to be entertained and inspired.

 

Methuselah’s Zoo: What Nature Can Teach Us about Living Longer, Healthier Lives

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By Steven N. Austad – The MIT Press, 2022

What do naked mole-rats, tubeworms, lake sturgeons and cockatoos have in common? Each species is a part of a group of animals with the highest longevity quotient— the life expectancy within a zoo or sanctuary of a specific animal species compared to other animal species of the same size. (For example, in a lab setting, a naked mole-rat lives 6.7 times longer than other small mammals.) 

Steven Austad, a biologist from the University of Alabama at Birmingham, has dedicated his career to studying these spectacular species in the hopes of learning more about how humans can optimize the aging process. He takes readers on an educational journey about the science behind what makes each of these species unique, sharing the stories of Little Mama, the chimpanzee who supposedly lived to 79 years old, and Barbara the African elephant, who died at the estimated age of 72. 

Many questions are still unanswered by the scientific community, like what makes certain species almost completely immune to developing cancer or how birds and bats live exceptionally long with minimal physical decline across their lifespan. There is so much more to learn about species that are aging more successfully than humans. The key to developing medical treatments that lead to longer lives may be right in front of our eyes. As Austad would say, “nature is endlessly inventive.” Animal lovers—and any reader curious about life—will not be able to put this one down. 

Our Last Best Act: Planning for the End of Our Lives to Protect the People and Places We Love

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By Mallory McDuff — Broadleaf, 2021

Mallory McDuff delves into the concept of sustainable and meaningful end-of-life planning, highlighting the significance of aligning one’s death with environmental and spiritual values. After her parents passed away unexpectedly, McDuff realized she was unprepared to honor their wishes. This realization led her on a journey to comprehend and document eco-friendly burial practices, such as green burial and human composting.

The book bridges environmental concerns and religious faith, advocating for a death plan that respects personal values and the planet’s health. Through her personal story and extensive research, McDuff urges readers to contemplate how their end-of-life choices can create a positive legacy. The book offers practical advice and information, empowering individuals to make well-informed decisions about their end-of-life planning and establish a sustainable, respectful legacy for future generations.

Live Your Best Life: 219 Science-Based Reasons to Rethink Your Daily Routine

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By Stuart Farrimond, MD – DK, 2020

Looking for science-based advice on how to improve your daily routine? This book is structured around a typical day and covers topics such as dreaming, breakfast, beating the afternoon slump, exercise, weight loss, diet and the impact of smartphones on your sex life. The book contains fascinating statistics and infographics that debunk common health myths, and it offers practical advice for implementing positive changes. You’ll find the answers to questions such as: why you forget the reason you came into a room; why it’s hard to get motivated to exercise; and what’s the best time of day to take vitamins. You’re sure to find valuable insights that will help you live your best life.

 

Honest Aging: An Insider’s Guide to the Second Half of Life

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By Rosanne M. Leipzig, MD, PhD – Johns Hopkins University Press, 2023

If you buy but one reference book this year, make it this one. Written by a trailblazing geriatrician with over 35 years of experience, Honest Aging aims to be your comprehensive guide to navigating the second half of life. It tackles aging head-on, offering realistic insights into the physical, psychological, functional and emotional changes you might encounter. 

The book doesn’t shy away from discussing the challenges and losses associated with aging, but it also emphasizes the opportunities and positive aspects. On each subject, the question of what’s expected in aging is addressed in layman’s terms, and there is a deeper–dive section. It covers physical changes like hearing loss and mobility issues, psychological aspects like grief and identity shifts, functional changes like managing daily tasks, and emotional health in later years. It offers practical strategies for prevention, adaptation and maintaining well-being. 

Honest Aging empowers readers to take charge of the aging journey, equipping us with the knowledge, tools and outlook we need to navigate the second half of life with confidence.

The Good Life: Lessons from the World’s Longest Scientific Study of Happiness

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By Robert Waldinger, MD, and Marc Schulz, PhD – Simon and Schuster, 2023

We live in an age of hyper-connectedness, and yet people are dying of loneliness. It is more important than ever to cultivate solid and positive relationships—family, friends, romantic partners and even casual connections, at every stage of our lives. Feeling like your life makes a difference to another person provides motivation and resilience for the tough times we all experience. 

The authors draw on the ongoing Harvard Study of Adult Development. Initiated 85 years ago, it is the longest-running study of its kind. The Good Life features compelling personal stories of study participants, shedding light on their experiences and how their lives unfolded. The simple but not always easy takeaway is that positive relationships keep us happier and healthier and help us live longer. While the book is grounded in the Harvard study, it also incorporates insights from other research, as well as the authors’ own experiences, to create a comprehensive and practical approach to finding happiness and creating a fulfilling life.

Outlive: The Science and Art of Longevity

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By Peter Attia, MD, with Bill Gifford — Harmony, 2023

Did you ever wish for an owner’s manual for a long and healthy life? Outlive delves into the latest scientific research on longevity and provides practical strategies for implementing those findings in your life. Attia identifies what he calls “four pillars of longevity”: exercise, nutrition, sleep and emotional well-being. He also discusses “the four horsemen,” the major chronic conditions that threaten longevity: cardiovascular disease, cancer, cognitive decline and diabetes. We learn that between the ages of 50 and 60, our bodies start to reveal the repercussions of our lifestyle choices, making this the decade to adopt healthy habits if we haven’t already done so. Outlive also offers a companion workbook to help put new goals into action, so we can increase our chances of living a long, healthy, fulfilling life.

 

The Book of Charlie: Wisdom from the Remarkable American Life of a 109-Year-Old Man 

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By David Von Drehle – Simon and Schuster, 2023

Writer David Von Drehle was new to the suburbs of Kansas City when he first spotted his neighbor in the driveway, wearing swim trunks and washing his girlfriend’s car. Charles “Charlie” White III was 102 years old at that time. 

What sets this biography apart is how Von Drehle takes us through America’s history along with Charlie’s—as he grows older, so does America. We meet Charlie at age 8, when his father dies, then learn of his many friendships and how his “always do the right thing” philosophy of life impacted everything he did. He listened to jazz on the radio and taught himself to play the saxophone, which became his way of earning money to pay his way through medical school. We go with Charlie through Prohibition and the Depression and the construction of the state’s largest hospital, where he became the city’s first anesthesiologist, practicing through his 80s. We learn of his relationships and how his philosophy of life impacted everything he did. His mother encouraged him to do the right thing, and so Charlie did for a remarkable 109 years. Through grit and determination, and always with a bit of humor, Charlie White took us through the decades of the 1900s. It’s a heck of a ride.

 

The Marmalade Diaries: The True Story of an Odd Couple

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By Ben Aitken – Icon Books, 2022

In a story so utterly charming you’ll double- or triple-check to see if it’s truly nonfiction, Ben Aitken enters a Share and Care arrangement with 86-year-old Winnie Carter, 50 years his senior. In the United Kingdom, this home-sharing model offers room and board for a fraction of the cost in exchange for companionship and a few chores. Clearly, it takes a certain kind of pair to make it work. 

Ben is a bit of a nomad, a travel writer who has written, among other things, of his experiences on bus tours with people who had retired. He is more than ready for this adventure. Winnie is a recently widowed aristocrat, living in a large home outside London; she can live independently but for a few tasks requiring some muscle. 

Initially, Winnie is nonplussed; she doesn’t welcome Ben as much as she tolerates him—he’s a millennial, after all. She’s quick-witted, acerbic and set in her ways. Though well-traveled, Ben seems to have missed key life lessons, thinks Winnie, who finds she must educate him on everything from boiling an egg to properly warming plates. The pandemic lockdown begins almost immediately after they commit, forcing the unlikely duo into a closer bond than either anticipated. Ben’s daily entries into his lockdown diary become the basis for this laugh-out-loud, British-to-the-core story. It’s packed full of Winnie’s witty repartees and non sequiturs, and it is a joy to read.

The Ride of Her Life

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By Elizabeth Letts – Random House Publishing Group, 2022

In 1954, at age 62, Maine farmer Annie Wilkins was told that if she took it easy, she likely had two years to live (her diagnosis: terminal tuberculosis). Her moral and physical fortitude and her unfailing optimism allowed her to take the news in stride. She declined the offer to live in a county rest home (she lost her farm to back taxes) and sold what little she had left. Annie bought an aging horse named Tarzan and, along with her beloved mutt, Depeche Toi, rode west to fulfill a lifelong dream to see the Pacific Ocean. The Ride of Her Life shares the remarkable story of Annie’s journey, detailing all the surprises, hardships, joys, mishaps and extraordinary human kindnesses she experienced along the way. Without a map, GPS or cell phone, Annie traveled 4,000 miles through all kinds of weather, engaging with people you wish you could meet. This true story, sure to cement your faith in humanity, is a life-affirming tale of a woman living out her days on her own terms.

Everything Left to Remember: My Mother, Our Memories, and a Journey Through the Rocky Mountains

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By Steph Jagger — Flatiron Books, 2022

Steph Jagger embraces a quest like no other as she takes her 70–year-old mother, Sheila—recently diagnosed with Alzheimer’s—on a camping trip through the US national parks. Jagger is no stranger to the heartbreak of this disease—her  maternal grandmother also had dementia at the end of her life. Jagger can’t help but wonder if she too will suffer this horrible fate. In part, that’s why she understands the time sensitivity and necessity of this trip. It’s a monumental undertaking, for certain, but Jagger believes she owes herself the chance to more deeply connect and learn who her mother truly is before Sheila is lost to her. Together, they hike and camp as they did when Steph was younger. They lie under the stars or see Old Faithful on horseback when words fail them, as they often do. Sheila can navigate trails but can’t always remember where she is or with whom; sometimes, her memory loss seems insignificant, but when asked about her favorite memories, she comes up short. On the other hand, Jagger’s poetic way with imagery and emotion often leaves the reader in awe. This memoir illuminates the complexity, grief and beauty of mother-daughter relationships while appreciating the sacred power of Mother Nature. It’s heartbreaking in the best possible way.

Left on Tenth: A Second Chance at Life

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By Delia Ephron — Little Brown and Company, 2022

You likely know the name Delia Ephron from her novels and screenplays and for producing (with sister Nora) blockbusters like You’ve Got Mail, Sleepless in Seattle and The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants. Her recent memoir begins with the loss of her beloved husband, Jerry, to prostate cancer. They’d been married since 1982, and she admits she never expected to find love again. But a series of confluences put her in the path of Peter, a man with whom she felt an instant connection. (They had gone on a blind date 50 years ago!) Now both widowed in their 70s, they were delighted at the prospect of love a second time around. And then came the diagnosis: Delia had AML, the same type of leukemia that savagely took her sister Nora just years before. Despite that, Delia and Peter married in the hospital before she underwent an experimental treatment that had her hospitalized for 100 days, in pain so consuming she often wished to die. Though that sounds grim, this story has a happy ending that will charm and move you. 

In Love: A Memoir of Love and Loss

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By Amy Bloom—Random House, 2022

Amy Bloom and Brian Ameche found each other in a later-life romance, and Brian was enveloped into Amy’s family, relishing life as a grandfather to Amy’s grandchildren. They enjoyed an enviable life of travel, fine food and friends. But Ameche had some tell-tale signs of diminished memory and function, and although he had total recall of the past, he was starting to lose the here and now. He asked Amy to research his options for assisted suicide, which were limited, even with “right-to-die” laws, and posed near-impossible hurdles. What Bloom eventually discovered was a nonprofit in Switzerland called Dignitas that offers physician-assisted “accompanied suicide.” Bloom now shares how she obtained admission for Ameche to become a patient and how they carried out his final wishes. The memoir offers many provocative topics for discussion: the US health care and legal systems, the options at the end of life, and the support—or lack thereof—for families when Alzheimer’s is upon them. Sad but not morbid, this is the candid and powerful story that Bloom promised her husband she would write.

The Beauty of Dusk: On Vision Lost and Found

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By Frank Bruni—Simon and Schuster, 2022

Frank Bruni is an award-winning American journalist and a longtime writer for the New York Times. He awoke one morning to find the vision in his right eye was blurred and he had no idea why. So begins his journey to save his vision and manage the powerful emotions that accompany his prognosis. Bruni learns he has had a stroke that affected his optic nerve—and that his vision might not return. At the same time, his partner takes up with another man, leaving Bruni alone and vulnerable emotionally. To cope, Bruni sets to talking with people who have faced diagnoses of comparable severity, and he learns new skills for coping from them all. While as readers, we may not be losing our eyesight, we are all facing hurdles that come with aging, so we can relate as Bruni writes eloquently about feeling dependent, asking for help and mastering new skills. 

The Bubbe Diaries: true tales of grandparenting

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By Paula Span—Audible Originals, 2021

Veteran journalist Paula Span is known to many for her column in the New York Times, The New Old Age, where she writes about the challenges faced by our rapidly growing older population. In The Bubbe Diaries (2021, only available as an Audible book), Span gets personal, sharing her most recent job assignment: grandmother. (Bubbe is Yiddish for grandmother.) Span recognized there was no Doctor Spock for her generation’s grandmothers, so she writes about what she’s learned on the job and how much has changed since she was a first-time mother. She covers the way newborns sleep, what’s new in child safety, establishing expectations and setting boundaries, even potential issues with a daughter-in-law. This three-hour audiobook is informative for a prospective grandparent, and it’s delightful to be a part of Span’s new love affair with her granddaughter.

 

Ladysitting: My Year with Nana at the End of Her Century

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By Lorene Cary – W.W. Norton & Company 2019

Author, educator and social activist Lorene Cary reflects on treasured memories of her family from her childhood until she became the caregiver for her feisty, tenacious 101-year-old grandmother, Nana Jackson. Nana—who worked until she was 100—survived pneumonia and a car accident and outlived her term in hospice. Learning Nana needed round-the-clock care, Cary, her husband and daughters took the strong-willed matriarch into their home. Cary juggled the logistics involved in bringing a close to a life that has spanned a century, navigating the frustrations of America’s broken health care system, dealing with a stubborn grandmother and maintaining her own life as a working professional, wife and mother. 

But Ladysitting is not just a caregiving memoir; it’s also a dive into Cary’s own rich history—one in which her family immigrated from Barbados to America, then endured the oppression of the South before settling in Philadelphia. The takeaway from the book is the love that Cary gives back to her grandmother, who always provided her with doting refuge, even helping mail in her vote for America’s first Black president—a race Nana followed with much excitement and a final feeling of hope before she died. Cary shares the ugly, exhausting side of caregiving, but she also shows how the hardship speaks to something more powerful: unconditional love of family.

 

Long Live the Queen: 23 Rules for Living from Britain’s Longest-Reigning Monarch

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By Bryan Kozlowski – Turner, 2020

Imagine you’ve just seen Queen Elizabeth on television. At 95, she is the oldest reigning monarch in the world. Ever. You might be asking yourself, what’s her secret, and how can we “commoners” replicate her lifestyle choices to enjoy a longer, more meaningful life? This well-researched biography zeroes in on just what Her Majesty does to maintain her vigor and agelessness. For instance, she thrives on routine (finds it’s critical for her concentration and focus), eats simply and enjoys her cocktails in moderation (a glass of champagne before bed). She doesn’t exercise per se but is never idle. The queen recharges outdoors, walking daily, often in the company of her beloved corgis, always protected from the sun. That care shows, as her appearance hasn’t changed much over the years; she has a simple skin-care regime and wears little makeup. Her skin glows more as a reflection of how she lives than from any bottled secret she could be hiding (soap never touches her face). The Queen enjoys reading, stays current on world and national affairs and lives a life of purpose. The rest of us may not live a royal lifestyle, but we can follow her example to embrace a more fruitful, rewarding life. Long live the Queen!

I’ll Be Seeing You: A Memoir

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By Elizabeth Berg—Random House 2020

Elizabeth Berg writes with great feeling, offering keen observations of the human condition. In this moving and insightful memoir, she describes the decline of her parents’ happy, 60-year marriage with a bittersweet candor. She chronicles their final years, citing honest exchanges between parents often in denial—and adult children afraid of losing them—that reveal sometimes cringe-worthy behavior from all parties. It’s so real. Berg’s parents, both in their late 80s, are coming to terms with a move to a residential care facility. Her father, a career military man, has developed Alzheimer’s—he’s stubborn and confused. Her mother, emotionally exhausted, agrees to the move but takes her uncharacteristic anger out on her husband and daughters. It’s a time fraught with sadness, acceptance of roles reversed and the understanding that there’s no going home again, in any sense of the word. In time, Berg’s parents find their rhythm again and, because of the abiding love in the family, make the best of the time they have left. Any family caregivers could relate to the challenges Berg faced, the frustration and guilt, and feel they are in good company.

Motherland: A Memoir of Love, Loathing, and Longing

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By Elissa Altman – Ballantine Books, 2019

Elissa Altman is an accomplished author and food writer, who, in Motherland, turns inward with a candid and heartfelt tale of growing up and growing older with her narcissistic, vain and controlling mother, Rita. Altman tries repeatedly to break from her mother’s emotional grasp. Finally, in her 40s, Altman asserts her independence, leaves Manhattan and moves to Connecticut to live with her wife. Mother and daughter could not be more different. Rita, once a singer of modest acclaim, is now a consumer of all things beauty, a real looker. Altman is attracted to men’s clothing, culinary pursuits, hearth and home. Altman knows she will never measure up to her mother’s expectations and won’t be truly free until she can let go but still answers when Rita calls. It’s a contentious and codependent relationship at best, and just when there could be light at the end of the tunnel for Altman, Rita suffers a fall that leaves her needing—and at times, refusing—her daughter’s help. In a study of how not to age with grace, Altman tells the story with cringe-worthy honesty; you’ll laugh and shudder in equal measure.

Keep on Moving! An Old Fellow’s Journey into the World of Rollators, Mobile Scooters, Recumbent Trikes, Adult Trikes and Electric Bikes

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By Allen B. Ballard – Christopher Matthews Publishing, 2018

Not everyone will remain able to navigate the world, or even their own homes, unassisted, as the years go by. When the time comes to rethink how to get around, the options can be overwhelming, and the vocabulary may seem foreign. Recumbent? Semi-recumbent? Tadpole trike? This book is an excellent resource. College professor Allen Ballard, 85, began his journey to assistive technologies with a cane after years of running and minor surgeries took their toll on his knees and hips. From there, he gravitated to a rollator walker. He shares what he learned about the pros and cons of different models and features, then goes on to discuss the ever-evolving choices in scooters, adult tricycles and electric bikes. Despite offering enough detail to engage an engineer, this research is never too technical for the rest of us. It’s essentially an upbeat, beginner’s guide to the choices available for anyone who wants to stay active and get places despite physical limitations. Ballard even makes the cycles sound so fun, you may not want to wait until you actually need one to buy it. 

 

Women Rowing North: Navigating Life’s Currents and Flourishing as We Age

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By Mary Pipher – Bloomsbury Publishing, 2019

Mary Pipher is a cultural anthropologist and clinical psychologist whose academic focus has been developmental psychology and trauma. She lectures and writes about cultural and social themes around women, drawing on her roles as a mother, grandmother, daughter, sister, wife and caregiver. Her bestseller Reviving Ophelia (1994) focused on the complex lives of teenage girls. Women Rowing North takes on older women, with a focus on those 70 and older.

Pipher leaves few stones unturned as she helps readers navigate upstream in the “river” of aging to a place of authenticity and self-acceptance. She’s gentle but candid: adapt or fossilize. If it’s bliss you’re after, there’s work to do. She looks at ageism all around us but also from within. Weaving individual stories of four women throughout the book, she writes about managing grief and loneliness, while illustrating the ways adversity has made us able to take the hard knocks. Pipher encourages us to really get to know ourselves, to express anger when appropriate and to say no when it’s in our best interests—and not feel guilty about it. The bottom line is that women need to cultivate resilience to flourish in later life. This book embraces the journey in a way that is truly inspiring. 

Keep It Moving: Lessons for the Rest of Your Life

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By Twyla Tharp – Simon & Schuster, 2019

Twyla Tharp, lifelong dancer and choreographer, acknowledges there is decline with age, but at 79 she is committed to moving through life with energy and vigor. For her, that is rooted in eating well and an exercise routine that would exhaust someone in their 20s. Tharp feels we’ve become lazy, that we chase youth and perfection when we could be focused on the benefit gained from adding movement to our lives, regardless of our age. In Keep It Moving, Tharp encourages all of us, at every level of fitness, to move. She offers absolution for negligence to those who get back up, tips for building stamina and positive self-talk to help us stick to our goals. She shares her own struggles and setbacks after major hip surgery, admitting she remained inside and stationary too long because she was ashamed of her cane. Having regained her own confidence, she now strives to help us achieve ours, so we can remain vital and reap the benefits.

 

No Stopping Us Now: The Adventures of Older Women in American History

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By Gail Collins – Little, Brown and Company, 2019

With her latest book, Gail Collins—best known for her op-ed columns in the New York Times—has become the history teacher we all wish we had in school. Engaging us with stories of women from the colonists to the present, she illustrates how attitudes toward older women have changed with the times and have very much been based on supply and demand (thinking of you, Rosie the Riveter). Collins brings to life the triumphs and travails of Susan B. Anthony, Jane Addams, Ruth Bader Ginsburg, Nancy Pelosi and many others less well known, all women considered “past their prime” who made their voices heard. The book is informative, lively and fun, shining a light on old beliefs that sound nothing short of ridiculous to us now—such as that an opinionated woman in the 18th century could be assumed to be a witch, or that hair dye and cosmetics could be merely lures to land a husband under false pretenses. The women are all remarkable, even more so because they didn’t let age stop them from blazing a trail. Here’s hoping this book can inspire our daughters and inform our sons.

Your Caregiver Relationship Contract: How to navigate the minefield of new roles and expectations

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By Debra Hallisey – Advocate for Mom and Dad, LLC, 2019

This book is an invaluable resource for anyone who becomes (or anticipates becoming) a caregiver. Debra Hallisey writes from her own experience both as an adult daughter and as a professional caregiver. The “contract” she suggests is not written up with attorneys; rather, it’s a discussion (or discussions) between caregiver and cared-for to identify ways the recipient can benefit from support. The contract they create together at the start needs to be a living document, fluid enough to accommodate changing needs. For family caregivers, initiating this talk can be awkward; both parties are grieving life’s changes and this new reality and are feeling vulnerable. But creating the contract, Hallisey suggests, cements an understanding that will manage expectations for all concerned. Hallisey gives examples of ways to assess the person’s ability to undertake activities of daily living and how to assimilate the feelings that will come up along the way. She includes suggestions for role play and checklists. 

We want loved ones in our care to feel dignity and autonomy but often unwittingly strip that away by using the wrong language. To that end, this book illustrates for caregivers how to pose questions that are nonthreatening and gives us techniques to state our own needs without feeling (as much) guilt. Hallisey’s superpower is understanding the pitfalls of caregiving—like the temptations to try to parent our parents and to neglect self care and asking for help—and she tells us why these can cause resentment for both sides. Hallisey is with us every step of the way. 

Elderhood: Redefining Aging, Transforming Medicine, Reimagining Life

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By Louise Aronson – Bloomsbury Publishing, 2019

Many of us are going to spend upward of 40 years in what this society considers “old age.” In Elderhood, Louise Aronson suggests a new way of looking at that time. A Harvard-trained physician, acclaimed author and, importantly, daughter of an exceptional ager, Aronson uses personal anecdotes with experiences from 25 years working in the field of aging. Elderhood is not a “how-to” book; rather, it illuminates why aging must be understood and redefined, and why the medical establishment’s usual goals of saving and extending lives is ill advised for many older patients. Aronson applauds the innovators who put elders’ care and needs into their designs—like emergency rooms outfitted for older adults—but calls out the marginalization and mistreatment of older people by medical professionals who simply aren’t trained to see them as individuals. 

While never glossing over the decline that comes with elderhood, Aronson makes a strong case that happiness in later life comes from feeling a sense of purpose and from being connected to something outside ourselves. She also examines the ways an ageist society’s depersonalized treatment of older adults puts forth stereotypes. The book reads like a call to action for us to heed if we want to grow older in a society that sees and values the old, older and oldest among us. All stakeholders will need to buy into Aronson’s prescription for a better later life, which can only happen by educating professionals to the unique needs of elders and by accepting that aging itself is not a disease to be treated.

Driving Miss Norma: One Family’s Journey Saying ‘Yes’ to Living

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By Tim Bauerschmidt and Ramie Liddle – Harper One, 2017

Tim and his wife, Ramie, lived frugally and invested wisely in order to retire early. Then they left the rat race to live as nomads. They kept in touch with family infrequently; Tim visited his parents once a year and called them from the road. On their visit in 2015, Ramie and Tim arrived at his parents’ Michigan home in their RV to find his father, Leo, in pain, with his organs failing. He died shortly after he went into the hospital.

At the same time Leo was admitted to hospice, Norma, 90, learned she had uterine cancer. Even if she survived surgery, the prospects for recovery were unlikely. Sensing his mother was a poor candidate for a nursing home, and that living alone would be out of the question, Tim and Ramie asked Norma to consider joining them on the road—mobile assisted living, if you will. Norma said yes.

Like so many of us with aging parents, Tim and Ramie had often planned to have “the talk” about end-of-life wishes and what ifs, but it wasn’t something they were ever able to bring up. Now that his mother was going to join them, the couple purchased a more comfortable RV (second sleeping area, wide enough berth for easy mobility, two-and-a-half baths, washer and dryer). 

Tim soon realized how little he knew Norma as an individual, away from his father’s shadow; to experience their relationship growing and deepening was heartwarming. What was her role in World War ll? Had his parents actually hoped to go hot-air ballooning one day? Had Norma really never been to the neighboring state? More than that, Norma became an unwitting celebrity when Ramie started a Facebook page of their experiences. Norma’s journey was featured on prime-time news stations around the United States. 

Their story takes us 7,000 miles to national parks, campgrounds and quirky roadside tourist spots, sharing them from Norma’s vantage point of delight and awe. Norma is a trailblazer and an inspiration, who said no to possibly life-saving surgery and yes to life. At the end of Norma’s time with us, we’re left with a grateful appreciation for being allowed along for the ride. 

 

Sons of Suicide: A Memoir of Friendship

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By Richard J. Knapp and J. David Pincus—Bowker, 2019

There is one life journey that is entirely singular, unique to each who has experienced it, and that is the processing and subsuming of grief. Some bear this burden for a short time, while others hold on to unanswered questions for many years. The authors of Sons of Suicide share the weight of a heavy secret: their mothers both took their own lives. The men met in high school in 1966 and discovered they had much in common, like baseball and birthplace. As the friendship grew, the terrible truth and impossibility of their mothers’ passing came out. Each boy was shocked—and somewhat relieved—to find that someone else had lived through the same experience. In another similarity, each of the boys had looked to his father for help and was left wanting. Not surprisingly, they formed a deep friendship. In later years, they learned that their friends Dennis and Tom also endured the suicide of a parent. Over time, the four men found a degree of solace and understanding. Now in later life, they are sharing with readers a soul-baring dive into the uncertainty, despair and frustrations they experienced, told through a collection of revealing, deeply intimate emails. More poignant than sad, the takeaway is that the life-affirming force of friendship is powerful and therapeutic.

Aging Thoughtfully: Conversations about Retirement, Romance, Wrinkles, and Regret

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By Martha C. Nussbaum and Saul Levmore – Oxford University Press, 2017

Imagine you’re eavesdropping on a man and a woman who are discussing the good, bad, ugly, and hopeful facets of growing older. Both are University of Chicago Law School professors. Levmore, age 64, is a pragmatic lawyer-economist and Nussbaum, 70, is a philosopher. This provocative book offers their often-opposing dialogues on later-life issues, including sex appeal, altruism, grown children, and discrimination. Compulsory retirement? Discriminatory! says Nussbaum emphatically. No more so than assigning an age at which one can vote or drive, suggests Levmore. While Levmore ponders on the older man taking a younger wife to feel relevant, Nussbaum believes that an older woman rejects the younger man for making her appear older by contrast. And so on.

The collegial back-and-forth is enlightening, and you will likely find yourself agreeing one minute and disagreeing the next. While they may be far apart at times philosophically, the authors share a belief that we can’t sweep issues under the rug if we want to live confidently as we age. These eight essays represent keen observations of this stage of life, influenced by thought leaders of our time.

Nanaville: Adventures in Grandparenting

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By Anna Quindlen-Random House, 2019

Award-winning journalist Anna Quindlen is well known to those of us in midlife and older. Her latest book, Nanaville, is written in her typical feels-like-we’re-sharing-coffee style. Quindlen expounds on the joy of becoming a grandmother. Nanaville is more than a saccharine ode to her son’s baby, however. Quindlen reveals the lessons she’s learned: that she is not the decision-maker, and that the techniques she used to raise her own children may not be acceptable today. She discusses blending and honoring customs of different cultures (her son’s wife is Asian). She candidly admits she knows how to parent but had to learn how to help her son parent—often by saying nothing at all. As much as we delight in the love affair between grandmother and grandson, the book serves equal purpose as grandparenting (or mother-in-lawing) for dummies. It’s a terrific read for any future nana, so full of Quindlen quotes, you’ll want to read it with a highlighter. And if you like this one, we also recommend Lots of Candles, Plenty of Cake (2013) and One True Thing, a film based on Quindlen’s semi-autobiographical novel.

Fifty Things That Aren’t My Fault: Essays from the Grown-up Years

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By Cathy Guisewite—G.P. Putnam’s Sons, 2019

Hooray. She’s back and she’s every bit as funny and relevant as you remember. Cathy Guisewite, 69, of the iconic comic strip that ran every day from 1976 to 2010, has written a book of essays that will have you nostalgic for her namesake character’s foibles and good intentions. Comic strip Cathy was a would-be feminist, a woman with a career who lived with her dog. She had an on-again, off-again dating life, girlfriends, failed diets and devoted parents. Many of us identified with her struggles completely, and this book speaks to us as well. Guisewite retired to devote time to a daughter in her last year of high school and her parents who turned 90, living on opposite coasts. Now she comes back to us in topics such as being a member of the sandwich generation (”it feels more like the panini generation, where we’re squished between them”) and diet lamentations—the unfairness that gluten-free carob cookies produce the same unhealthy calories as peanut butter cups. Notably, Guisewite ponders her “stuff” in a way we can relate to: she wants her home to resemble one from a magazine while hoping it always looks like the one her daughter grew up in. And her parents’ home needs decluttering—she hilariously decides to take this on without their permission—but when her mother buys a shredder, Guisewite can’t stand it. Acknowledging the challenges so many of us face, Guisewite does for us what Cathy did: she allows us to be human.

My Parent’s Keeper: The Guilt, Grief, Guesswork, and Unexpected Gifts of Caregiving

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By Jody Gastfriend—Yale University Press (2018)

As we humans are living longer, the sandwich generation has moved to the club sandwich, as we care for not only parents and kids but grandparents and grandchildren, all at once. Is it any wonder we’re stressed out? Jody Gastfriend, social worker and vice president of senior care services at Care.com, designed a highly respected program for employers wanting to support staff who are caregivers. She also looked after her own father, who had Alzheimer’s. In this book, she delves into the challenges of caring for parents in declining health. Gastfriend leaves no possible situation unaddressed. She covers parents who refuse help and siblings who are unsupportive, along with the more practical basics of dementia care and of working with institutions and navigating social services and insurance claims. She considers the future of caregiving, which may involve technology and robotics. Pitfalls and rewards are covered in equal measure. Aging expert Ellen Goodman calls this book “the ultimate GPS for family caregivers.” You’ll want to have it in your library.

Over the Hill, You Pick Up Speed: Reflections on Aging (For Anyone Who Happens To)

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By Nardi Reeder Campion – University Press of New England, 2006

Reading this very funny, unusually candid book is like having a conversation with a dear friend, no longer young, who is willing to talk about what old age is really like. Over the Hill is a collection of Campion’s columns from the Valley News in West Lebanon (NH), which published her work for 25 years. She also wrote nine books, plus articles for publications such as the New Yorker and the New York Times.  

Campion, who died in 2007, always was willing to laugh at herself. In one column, she describes the embarrassing incident that convinced her it was time to give up driving. In the next, she turns to the subject of “Twelve Ways to Get Around Without a Car.” Number 11 is hitchhiking, which she tried three times (at the age of 86) before deciding it wasn’t for her. This is great reading for anyone who appreciates understated humor and wants to peek at what future years may bring.

Calypso

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By David Sedaris—Little, Brown and Company, 2018

After a five-year hiatus, humorist and essayist David Sedaris returns to the bestseller list in his signature style, ruminating about family and aging (he’s 62). Those new to Sedaris’ writing will be quickly brought up to speed about his siblings, his sister who took her own life and his dad, now in his 90s. It’s his late mother, though, who figures prominently here and whose influence continues long after her passing. Clearly, the funnyman still misses her and longs to make a true connection with his father and remaining siblings while he still can. So he purchases a beach house (names it the Sea Section) in North Carolina, where the family can gather to both get away and reminisce. Returning fans will find this essay collection as insightful, biting and funny as ever, if a bit darker at times—Sedaris facing his mortality, perhaps? His observational humor targets the state of politics (no Trump fan, he) and his family members (he’s tender and scathing in equal measure). If you love an I-can’t-believe-he-said-that moment, this is the book for you.

The Rainbow Comes and Goes: A Mother and Son on Life, Love, and Loss

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By Anderson Cooper and Gloria Vanderbilt — Harper, 2016

Do you ever wonder how your story will be remembered? After heiress Gloria Vanderbilt, the “poor little rich girl” of the infamous 1940s child custody battle, has a life-threatening illness at 91, her son Anderson Cooper, the CNN news correspondent, commits to understanding his mother better in the time they have left. What follows is a year-long email exchange between the two that allows for revelations and unburdening. She exploited the family name; he shunned it. She worked the socialite circles; he, the war zones. Ever the journalist, Cooper delves into his mother’s lonely, privileged childhood, her salacious affairs and multiple marriages, as well as who she was in her professional life far beyond her iconic designer jeans. Her story is deeply personal, at times heartbreaking, full of wisdom and insights on the freedom and clarity aging has brought to her, and with some maternal advice. The mutual affection is clear. Tell someone your story before it’s too late.

Bettyville: A Memoir

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By George Hodgman – Penguin Books, 2016

George Hodgman is an urbane and sophisticated gay man, blissfully separated from his upbringing in Paris, MO. When his irascible, outspoken, strong-willed mother, Betty, falling into dementia, loses her driver’s license, George returns to Paris, intending to settle her into a care facility and head back to Manhattan. Once in his childhood home, George comes to terms with his closeted upbringing and the desire to please his parents. Mother and son reunite with a combination of drama and comedy that seems to leap off the page. In a way, it may do just that: Paramount announced in May 2016 that it’s making the memoir into a television series, starring a dream cast of Matthew Broderick as George and the incomparable Shirley MacLaine as Betty.

Ending Ageism or How Not to Shoot Old People

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By Margaret Morganroth Gullette – Rutgers University Press, 2017

If you’re not sure what ageism is, or you doubt that it does much harm, read this book. Author Margaret Morganroth Gullette examines this “most acceptable and unnoticed of the cruel prejudices.” She explores ageism in its many manifestations, including the widely held (erroneous) assumptions that old age is inevitably a time of decline and decrepitude and that older people are a burden on society. Challenging our culture’s relentless focus on youth—which motivates many to try to hide their age—she also describes other incarnations of ageism, including actual violence against older people. Ending Ageism is densely packed with facts and insights and isn’t always an easy read, but it’s a passionate argument that has something important to say to people of all ages.

Walking with Peety: The Dog Who Saved My Life

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By Eric O’Grey with Mark Dagostino – Grand Central Publishing, 2017

Do you know a yo-yo dieter looking for inspiration, maybe a couch potato who needs a nudge in the right direction? Eric O’Grey was in his early 50s, depressed and in a rut. His diets never panned out and he was easily 150 pounds overweight, spending a fortune on prescriptions to control his blood pressure, blood sugar and cholesterol. And then a new doctor prescribed a trip to the dog shelter. There he chose obese, middle-aged Peety, and everything changed. Slowly, due to daily walks, the duo began to take off weight and put on energy. Their bond inspired Eric to finally commit to a radical diet to be deserving of Peety’s love. This is a charming success story that sweetly poses the question: who really rescued whom?

The Gentle Art of Swedish Death Cleaning: How to Free Yourself and Your Family from a Lifetime of Clutter

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By Margareta Magnusson – Scribner, 2018

Sure, you’re a jolly good fellow, but if you’d like to be remembered as such, don’t leave a lifetime’s worth of junk—aka personal collections—for others to clean up when you die. Margareta Magnusson has firsthand experience in dealing with this type of dirty work, which the Swedes call döstädning, or death cleaning. Creepy name, liberating concept. She professes to be “between 80 and 100” and reveals some of what she’s kept and why, as well as the things she has let go, and how. She leaves nothing to the imagination, tackling everything from private matters in bedside drawers to what’s left on social media platforms. If you have attempted to pare down using a different book that promised a changed life but was just too harsh, Magnusson’s humor and practicality may be what you need. You don’t need to toss everything at once: her approach to death cleaning is that it’s a process that should be undertaken again and again as needs change. When the time comes, your family will thank you.

Nomadland: Surviving America in the Twenty-First Century

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By Jessica Bruder – W.W. Norton, 2017

The American dream of a secure, leisurely retirement is simply not reality for many people. Low-wage workers, and those with insufficient savings due to bad health, poor planning, unlucky investing or the Great Recession, will have to work as long as they live. This book introduces us to the older workforce that is taking to the road for seasonal jobs. That nice 70-something couple managing the campground? Medical bills wiped out their bank account. Older man working at the amusement park? Lost his savings in the housing bust. Many seasonal workers live in their cars, vans or RVs in Walmart parking lots, where they form an unexpected, sometimes dysfunctional community. This house-less lifestyle provides mortgage-free shelter and mobility to people forced to choose between food and keeping a “roof” over their heads. The stories in this book are fascinating. You’ll want to travel along as Bruder explores both the challenges faced and the resilience shown by this generation of workers living life on the road.