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Friendships

Nyad

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2023, USA, 121 min.

In 1978, Diana Nyad fails to swim from Cuba to Florida, a 110-mile ordeal in shark-infested waters. Years pass. Celebrity has dimmed. The former long-distance swimmer finds herself lost. “You turn 60 and the world treats you like a bag of bones,” Nyad (Annette Bening) tells her best friend Bonnie (Jodie Foster). So Nyad heads to the pool after a 30-year break. Soon, she is convinced she can swim to Cuba. As she spends years battling nature’s viciousness and pushing her threshold for pain, we learn that this is not an ego trip. It’s about resolving a painful past and living life on her terms. Bening’s spirited, vulnerable portrayal makes this story relatable. Foster is exceptional as the friend-turned-coach, who alternately inspires and admonishes the swimmer. Nyad is a stirring reminder that there’s no age limit to pushing past your boundaries—especially if you lean on your allies.

 

Going in Style

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2017, USA, 96 min

Director Zach Braff’s remake of the quiet, thoughtful, 1979 comedy-drama ups the cat-and-mouse maneuvers, raises the stakes and modernizes the story line. Brooklyn friends Joe (Michael Caine), Albert (Alan Arkin) and Willie (Morgan Freeman) decide to rob the mega bank that has taken their pension money, after they’ve been laid off from their longtime factory jobs. What ensues is more laugh-heavy than the original, sometimes to its disadvantage—Christopher Lloyd’s superfluous appearance as a forgetful member of the friends’ social circle is flat-out ageist, a series of worn stereotypes presented as cheap comic relief . But the main characters’ comradery and their refusal to be marginalized by society make for a pleasing, moving effort. 

Going in Style 

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1979, USA, 97 min.

New York City retirees Joe (George Burns), Al (Art Carney) and Willie (Lee Strasberg) are at the point where spare time has become a burden. Their days are spent idling in the local park or in their drab apartment; excitement is treated like a dietary restriction. So when Joe casually mentions they should rob a bank—it’ll provide a dose of adrenaline and is a shrewd fiduciary strategy!—Willie and Al agree. Then reality sets in. Director Martin Brest wisely eschews easy jokes for a meditation on mortality. The robbery and its aftermath invigorate Joe but aren’t a tonic for Al and Willie, who become overwhelmed by the audacity of their act. By rejecting easy solutions for the loss of purpose that can come with aging, Brest fashions a bittersweet gem. The entire cast is game, especially Burns, who shelves his famed mugging to deliver a terrific performance. 

 

A Man Called Otto

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2022, USA, 126 min.

Otto (Tom Hanks) lives in a state of constant aggravation. He treats any interruption to his orderly life as a threat. The bluster hides a deep, unspeakable pain: Otto, recently widowed and forced to retire, wants to end his life. Every time he attempts to do so, life pulls him back. Quite often, he’s interrupted by his new neighbor Marisol (Mariana Treviño), whose kindness and authentic nature replenish his soul. Otto discovers, despite his best efforts, that people need him in ways he couldn’t possibly imagine. The American version of the beloved novel A Man Called Ove runs on Hanks’ inherent, unshakeable likability, which enhances the movie’s message: we are never alone. If we open our lives (and hearts) to people, rebirth is possible at any age. 

 

Sweet Bean

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2015, Japan/France, 113 min.

In Japan, doriyaki vendor (Masatoshi Nagase) lives in brooding isolation, running his small store with rote efficiency. When he puts up a help-wanted sign, he’s visited by Tokue, a meek, kindly, septuagenarian woman (Kirin Kiki) with gnarled, knotty hands. He declines Tokue’s entreaties to stop using vendor-bought, sweet bean paste between his pancakes—until he tries her homemade confection. They toil in the pre-dawn hours, perfecting the paste via ritualistic acts of washing and boiling and waiting. Tokue, who lives with older, recovered lepers in a remote complex, finds happiness in life’s basic pleasures: the blindingly white cherry blossoms that surround the shop; helping customers; finding freedom in creating a delicacy. Sentarô learns to enjoy the grace of a simple life, as exemplified by Tokue’s guileless, grateful ways, and learns to engage with the world that has run him down. Director-writer Naomi Kawase’s movie is an understated, powerful character study that shows how simple gestures of kindness can elevate our lives beyond parameters both inflicted upon us and self-imposed. 

 

Elizabeth Is Missing

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2019, United Kingdom, 87 min. 

Due to the onslaught of Alzheimer’s disease, Maud’s life consists of notes—reminders affixed to items around the house and stuffed into her pockets. It’s a life of frustration and stasis, punctuated by outings with her friend, Elizabeth (Maggie Steed), who resides nearby. When Elizabeth doesn’t show up for their get-together, Maud (Glenda Jackson) is annoyed. The time and place are on a scrap of paper, so where is she? As the days mount without any explanation of Elizabeth’s sudden disappearance, Maud grows obsessed, then frantic as the hazy details of her friend’s predicament overlap with an unresolved tragedy from long ago. This isn’t a mystery as much as it is a stirring portrait of an older woman’s struggle to be heard as she gets pulled between the past and the present. Elizabeth Is Missing provides a potent reminder of the agony faced by those afflicted with dementia, the patience required by their loved ones and the lack of a convenient resolution all around. Jackson, as usual, is terrific. Based on Emma Healey’s novel. 

  

The Life Ahead

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2020, Italy, 94 min. 

Orphaned 12-year-old Momo (Ibrahima Gueye) dabbles in petty crime in a seaside Italian village, heading nowhere fast. When the boy’s temporary caretaker asks his neighbor, Madame Rosa (Sophia Loren), to take the charismatic, scheming Momo in for two months, Rosa reluctantly agrees. The Holocaust survivor and former streetwalker is the neighborhood’s mom. Her health is failing but her feistiness persists. As Rosa and others in her circle show the kid genuine affection, he reconsiders his path. The film is as predictable as the sunrise, but it’s easy to succumb to the bittersweet tone and the winning performances. Gueye is a revelation and the legendary Loren scores in her first film role in 11 years. The Life Ahead shows the influence older adults can have on youth without resorting to saccharine antics or fist-pounding life lessons. If the movie sounds familiar, there’s a reason. It’s based on the French novel, La Vie Devant Soi, and was adapted for the screen twice before—including as the 1978 Oscar winner, Madame Rosa. 

 

Learning to Drive

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2015, USA/UK, 90 min.

Patricia Clarkson and Ben Kingsley star in this touching comedy-drama about taking control of your life in your 50s. Sheltered, affluent book critic Wendy ends up in the NYC taxi of Darwan moments after she is unceremoniously dumped by her husband in a restaurant. When the working-class cabbie, a turban-wearing, Sikh immigrant, returns the next day with the separation papers, he’s not in his cab, but in a car with a “Driving Lessons” sign affixed. Wendy, who cannot drive, spots the sign—and a chance to gain some control over her life. The calm, sage Darwan is the perfect tonic for Wendy’s frazzled state. As Darwan teaches Wendy to drive, she shows him how to embrace the arrival of his wife, a woman he has never met, who throws his work-centric life for a loop. The beauty of Isabel Coixet’s drama is that it treats the main characters as clear-thinking, experienced adults. To solve their personal problems, Darwan and Wendy must look inward as well as to each other. The emotional authenticity will enlighten and reassure audiences, and Clarkson and Kingsley’s genuine, deeply felt performances only reinforce those qualities.  

 

Elsa & Fred

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2014, USA, 96 min.

Recently widowed and exhausted by life, 80-year-old Fred (Christopher Plummer) moves to a new apartment, which might as well be a tomb. His next-door neighbor is the buoyant Elsa (Shirley MacLaine), who is impetuous and prone to spinning tall tales. Fred whiles away his days reading the newspaper, basically waiting to die. Then, at Elsa’s insistence, they get to know each other. As they grow closer, a rejuvenated Fred discovers Elsa’s sad secret—and how he can give her one last memorable, cinema-inspired thrill. This charming romantic comedy provides a valuable lesson: there is no age limit for falling in love and opening ourselves to new experiences. The film’s gentle charisma, plus splendid performances by Plummer and MacLaine, allow us to forgive the excessive number of characters and the film’s frequently jumbled focus. Based on a 2005 Spanish film.  

 

Truman

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2015, Spain/Argentina, 108 min.

Most films about terminal illness focus on the high dramatics, the withering hero finding clarity on a deathbed or lingering in a somberly lit nursing home. Here’s a special film that espouses living a full life with an unforgettable, potent dignity, and that features none of those hoary trappings. Tomás (Javier Cámara) travels from Canada to visit his old friend, Julián (Ricardo Darín), a veteran actor living in Madrid. The unannounced trip comes with a gravity both men try to downplay: Julian is dying from cancer and has stopped treatment. The two friends spend four days hanging out, a good portion of which involve finding a new home for Julian’s beloved dog, Truman. The movie’s lack of to-do is its strongest asset, as we see Julian’s last push to make his life whole, whether it’s connecting with his estranged son or admonishing an old colleague for not saying “Hello” to avoid discomfort. Throughout, Truman serves as not only a symbol for resolution but a token of love between the two men. This is a wonderful, inspirational movie, which won the Spanish equivalent of an Oscar and a slew of other international awards. It will resonate with all who have considered their mortality. In Spanish with English subtitles.

Our Souls at Night

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2017, USA, 103 min.

In a sleepy Colorado town, widow Addie (Jane Fonda) visits her withdrawn, widower neighbor Louis (Robert Redford) with a proposition: they should sleep together. Not to have sex but for the company. Soon, the almost-strangers step into a conversational rhythm that unexpectedly blooms. Ritesh Batra’s adaptation of Kent Haruf’s novel wraps us up in Addie and Louis’ story by not rushing a thing. Every night, these two sheltered, shattered souls relearn intimacy and trust, so the film, by favoring a slow and steady pace over quick and easy dramatics, gives every interaction heft. The little gestures—holding a hand, a head on a shoulder—feel meaningful as a result. Redford and Fonda, acting together for the first time since 1979’s The Electric Horseman, deliver understated, lived-in performances that wash over us. Our Souls at Night revels in the realities and pleasures of awakening, destroying the myth that rebirth is only a young person’s game. Older viewers will cherish that message; younger viewers will have their eyes opened.  

Bonneville

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2006, USA, 93 min.

When her husband dies, Arvilla (Jessica Lange) wants to scatter his ashes, as he’d wished. But because he never updated his will, her bitter, greedy stepdaughter (Christine Baranski) is his heir, and she plays hardball: if she doesn’t get her father’s ashes for his funeral, she will sell Arvilla’s house. The new widow is placed in a particularly painful midlife crisis: does she submit to the wishes of others or honor the person her husband really was? She decides to make the best of a bad situation, enlisting her two friends—straight-arrow Carol (Joan Allen) and spirited Margene (Kathy Bates)—to take the trip from Idaho to California for the funeral. When they miss their flight, they continue in Arvilla’s late husband’s cherry red Bonneville. As the journey unfolds, Arvilla, buoyed by her friends, grows more determined to stay true to herself. Bonneville is an inspiring reminder for viewers of all ages to take chances, especially if doing so preserves their—and their loved ones’—integrity. Rebellion is not just the domain of the young. 

Tea with Mussolini

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1999, Italy/UK, 117 min.

In fascist Italy, a group of older, artistic-leaning expats—one of whom (Maggie Smith) insufferably flouts her musty political connections—enjoy their sun-drenched lifestyle. However, the party is winding down: Benito Mussolini is growing increasingly combative. Years pass, and the once-comfortable American and English women find themselves hassled by troops and, eventually, imprisoned. Their chance at freedom may depend on a boy with a sentimental connection to these prisoners. Loosely based on director Franco Zeffirelli’s life and on a group of women known as the Scorpioni, the film does more than serve as a forum for several wonderful actresses, such as Smith, Joan Plowright, Cher and Lily Tomlin. It’s an inspirational, historical reminder that adaptation and strength don’t expire with age, even when war literally comes to your neighborhood.

As Good as It Gets

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1997, USA, 139 min.

Melvin Udall (Jack Nicholson) is sewn to the routine he’s set up as a manic obsessive-compulsive. The permanently angry and unpleasant novelist holes up in his opulent New York City apartment, emerging daily to eat at his favorite restaurant, where he is served by the same waitress, Carol (Helen Hunt). Then Melvin’s world unravels. Carol misses a shift, causing an unhinged Melvin to step into her life to put his own back on track. He’s then forced to care for a dog owned by his hospitalized, artist neighbor (Greg Kinnear), a disruption that leads to a road trip that changes everything. Some viewers might consider Melvin and Carol’s May-December relationship to be the life spark of the film, but that’s missing this upbeat comedy-drama’s greater purpose: we’re never too old to break free from our routines and enrich our world with new experiences and new people.

Gran Torino

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2008, USA, 116 min.

Retired autoworker and Korean War veteran Walt Kowalski (Clint Eastwood, who also directed) refuses to embrace the evolving world. Despite his neighborhood’s changing demographics and plummeting safety, he’s not moving from his Detroit home. When a gang skirmish involving his Hmong neighbors spills onto his front lawn, Walt intercedes—and gains the family’s respect. Walt’s simmering xenophobia is challenged by his growing admiration for the household’s two English-speaking teens (Bee Vang, Ahney Her). He softens into a protector, teaching them the gritty intricacies of American life, and regains his own purpose. Gran Torino shows how youth benefit from the knowledge and courage of their elders—if the older generation believes in the future rather than fears it. The same way the characters are pulled together by Walt’s prized possession (the titular American muscle car), a multigenerational swath of viewers will love this film’s big heart and integrity.

Up

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2009, USA, animated, 96 min.

Recently widowed and faced with losing his longtime home, Carl Fredricksen (voiced by Ed Asner) fashions a unique balm for his woe. He hitches countless helium balloons to his house and literally floats away toward South America, his beloved wife’s dream destination. The plan quickly falters when the grumpy Carl discovers that endlessly exuberant, neighborhood kid Russell (voiced by Jordan Nagai) has inadvertently hitched a ride, an arrangement that ends up filling the cracks in this duo’s lonely lives. Carl discovers that life gets better when you let people into your adventure—even if irreplaceable loved ones have left it. A Pixar product filled with laughs for kids, but it’s the grownups who will be touched by its poignancy.

Passion Fish

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1992, USA, 134 min.

Directed by John Sayles, this is a film about second chances. It depicts a complex caretaker-patient relationship. May-Alice Culhane (Mary McDonnell) is a willful, bitter, soap-opera star whose career is abruptly cut short by an automobile accident, resulting in her paralysis from the waist down. Forced to reestablish herself in her Louisiana childhood home, May-Alice drinks heavily and angrily discharges several caretakers until she meets Chantelle (Alfre Woodard), whose stubbornness matches her own. Chantelle’s no-nonsense approach to her caretaking duties forces May-Alice to confront her limitations and go on with life. It forces them both to forge a new relationship despite their seeming incompatibility.

Fried Green Tomatoes

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1991, USA, 130 min.

Two stories meld into a heartfelt ode to friendship and personal resilience. In the early 1990s, middle-aged Evelyn Couch (Kathy Bates) befriends spark-plug, nursing home resident Mrs. Threadgoode (Jessica Tandy), who quickly enchants Evelyn with the story of two women she knew from her younger days in Depression-era Alabama: Ruth (Mary-Louise Parker) and Idgie (Mary Stuart Masterson). Through flashbacks, we learn of the single ladies’ fiercely loving friendship, which inspires Evelyn to find the spirit she lost long ago. Directed with warmth and restraint by Jon Avnet, the movie will inspire adults of all ages. Actress Fannie Flagg helped adapt the screenplay from her novel, Fried Green Tomatoes at the Whistle Stop Café (1988).

Harold and Maude

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1971, USA, 91 min.

Editor-turned-director Hal Ashby had an amazing stretch in the 1970s: The Last Detail, Shampoo, Coming Home, to name a few. Here is one of his highlights. This tender, funny and evergreen film is about a death-obsessed young man (Bud Cort) who meets a sunny, hipper-than-she-looks septuagenarian (Ruth Gordon) at a funeral, an encounter that enhances both of their lives. Gleefully devoid of pandering and “groovy old lady” tropes—see Gordon’s work in My Bodyguard (1980) for an example of the latter obnoxiousness—Harold and Maude simply chronicles a heart-warming relationship between two people. Everyone can enjoy this.

The Lady in the Van

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2015, UK, 115 min.

In 1974, an old woman (Maggie Smith) parked her garbage can of a van in an upscale suburban London neighborhood. She stayed there for 15 years. During that time, the infamous Miss Shepherd developed a cantankerous rapport with playwright Alan Bennett (Alex Jennings), who offered his driveway as a residence of sorts. (Writer’s curiosity triumphed over common sense.) Bennett devoted years to piercing this irascible, slovenly woman’s façade, when he was not fighting off his own mounting irritation with her personal hygiene and general irritability. Eventually, Jennings, who wrote a memoir about the whole affair, learned that Miss Shepherd reached this frazzled state through a series of unfortunate events. The Lady in the Van is pretty much a forum for Smith’s fussy talents, and viewers can certainly take pleasure in that. However, its most memorable accomplishment is knocking the wind out of the kooky-old-lady cliché, revealing the real person underneath.

A Man Called Ove

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2016, Sweden, 116 min.

Yes, a film about an unemployed, 59-year-old widower (the title character, played by Rolf Lassgård) who attempts suicide multiple times is immensely touching. This Swedish box-office smash, based on the best-selling novel, reveals the man behind the growling countenance, who patrols his condominium complex for imaginary violations. During each attempt to end his life, Ove recounts the highs and lows—from meeting his wife to surviving a series of unfathomable tragedies—and what brought him to this precipice. The film reveals the genesis of the bitter-old-person archetype: it emerges through life’s relentless onslaught. Understanding is integral—from everyone. In an ironic development that goes from absurd to touching, younger people keep interrupting Ove’s attempts, reminding him that people need other people. The story frames aging as a mutual act: young and old must make a commitment to appreciate what each offers.